How Do You Airport?
The guys discuss the best way to enjoy the airport
This holiday season, give your loved one the gift of Reader Of The Week. That’s right, nominate someone you love to be featured in the first sentence of the esteemed Rabbitwolf Creative Newsletter. Send your nominations to hello@rabbitwolfcreative.com with their name and a few sentences on why you believe they should be Reader Of The Week. If you’re lucky we will humiliate this person in the next edition of this newsletter. Merry Christmas and thanks for being here.
Ryan: Stephen. Hello. By the time our readers get this it will be Christmas. Do you think anyone is going to read this one?
Stephen: Hi, Ryan. Great question. Ideally we get this thing shipped out by 10AM EST on Christmas Eve. That seems like pretty perfect timing for someone to actually crack this thing open and chew on it a bit. A nice, slow morning avoiding family and diving headfirst into our little dialogue. C’mon! That’s fun.
RS: I guess when you lay it out like that it makes a ton of sense. Don’t look your uncle in the eye. Read our newsletter instead.
But we’re not here to talk about our dwindling readership or Holiday Family Dynamics. Nor are we here to reflect on any end of year crap. Lord knows no one wants us to indulge in some sort of list. What are we talking about today Stephen?
SK: “Last shoot of the year with the best crew ever!”
I’m joking. We won’t be doing that. We will be talking about How to Airport.
Last week we were on our last shoot of the year with the best crew ever in Miami and that involved some airport time which led us to reflect on whether or not we could be doing airport better. What do you think, bud? How do you airport?
RS: We spend a lot of time in airports. It’s a big part of the job. I thought that I had it down to a science. I’ve minimized the amount of time I’m in the terminal, I pack light, I breeze through security because I am a TSA Pre-check member. I thought I was doing it right until spending a little bit of time with the photographer and the producer at the Miami Airport last week. It led me to ask Steve “are we doing this wrong?”
SK: I like thinking of TSA Pre Check as a membership. Like your neighborhood gym. But yes, we are certainly not doing it correctly. I used to be under the impression that TSA-Pre and a GoMacro bar were all I needed to have a nice, easy time at the airport but it seems like people who travel as much as we do are often running headfirst into more perks than we are. I’m a priority member with American Airlines and I just don’t think it’s doing me much good. I can count on two fingers the times I’ve been upgraded in the last three years. I definitely am not allowed to eat the Chex Mix in the lounge with the rest of the upper crust.
RS: Yeah man. I think the lounge is a good place to start. I’ve been in the lounge a few times, but I am not a Member like I am of TSA Pre Check. Last week the photographer and producer somehow breezed through security much faster than I did and I was left with a text that said “meet us in the lounge” as if it was a foregone conclusion that I had access to that part of the airport. It sucked. They had to use one of their guest passes to get me in and it took every ounce of strength in me to not feel like a total ASS.
SK: I couldn’t imagine a worse text to receive. It’s like forgetting to do your homework. Terrible stuff. So what needs to change? Should we abandon airports in favor of days-on-end road trips just to avoid the embarrassment of perusing Hudson News for a $12 bag of chips?
RS: It probably starts with getting a credit card that gets us into the lounge. Because here’s the thing: it’s way better in the lounge. It took me 30 seconds in the lounge to realize that THIS is the way to airport if you are doing it with any sort of regularity. You don’t want to be sitting at your gate next to all the people coughing without covering their mouths.
SK: Does any part of you not want to indulge in the societal warfare that the lounge class system is contributing to? Or do you just want to be ignorant to it all?
RS: Great question. I guess me protesting the lounge isn’t going to change anything. It will always exist. Why shouldn’t I get a little piece of it?
SK: I recently read this article about airport lounge culture and it briefly touched on a guy in Singapore who ended up spending like a month in the airport just going from lounge to lounge. Ultimately this poor bastard had to serve some jail time. That’s how bad he wanted to live the lounge life, man. He was willing to risk his freedom for a shower and a bed in Terminal 2.
RS: I dunno man. That’s pretty cool, I think. You gotta believe in something. And that man believed in the hierarchy of The Airport. So what do you think? Will we lounge more in 2026?
SK: Here’s the thing. The lounges I’ve been in have never been that great in terms of amenities. I still don’t really want to eat the food and am much happier with my Ziploc of trail mix and dried mangoes from home but where the lounge obviously succeeds is in cordoning you off from the masses. The ability to turn it off for an hour before your flight is nice and I suppose the calm you get is a little deeper than if you’re just tucked away at some unused gate a few down from your nonstop to Seattle.
All this is to say, I don’t really think my airport experience is going to change much in 2026 and I think I’m okay with it.
RS: Fine. It should be noted that as soon as I was allowed into the Delta Lounge I spilled a boiling hot cup of coffee everywhere. Everyone stood up and pointed at me while laughing deep, maniacal laughs. So maybe I don’t belong there, either.
SK: They booed your ass. Since we’re on the topic of lounge experiences, my greatest lounge experience was in Bangkok with friend of the Newsletter Kirk Horton. We had some ungodly amount of time to kill before our long haul back to the States so we paid like $40 to use some lounge that I guess you could just buy your way into. We both got 20-minute massages that I don’t remember paying for. That was nice.
RS: He’s all over the place folks. I don’t know what to believe. One minute I’m getting shit for participating in some sort of war against the poor and the next he’s talking about a massage he got in Bangkok.
Anyway. Let’s talk about first class. You said you’ve been a few times. Is it worth it? Is it how we should be traveling? Is it demonstrably better than an economy middle seat near the bathroom?
SK: First class is definitely the answer. Any class crusade I’m confusingly on about lounges I will forgo in the face of a first class seat. My glory, they’re nice. On my way back from Washington DC last month I was upgraded to first class and it completely changes the experience. You’re eating with silverware, Ryan. Glass cups. It’s a dignified seat.
RS: The big thing I think aside from silverware is that you board first and you get off first. Just like the lounge, you do not have to deal with The People. And that’s really the biggest pain point of the airport: the people. The less of them you have to encounter the better your overall experience will be. I realize as I type these words I sound like an incredible asshole. But it’s true! It’s the people who are bad!
SK: We the people are bad. It’s very true and it’s something you want to avoid participating in (the hate). But being squeezed into a seat for three hours, sweating like a dog because if you move an inch to take off your sweater you will completely invade the remaining personal space of your seatmate is hell. This is not polite society. If I had a billion dollars I would create a commercial airline that is only first class seats. Everyone gets silverware and glass cups. This is my dream.
RS: Steve do you think that’s all it would take? A billion dollars? First Class Air is a luxury airliner with one airplane.
SK: So you think I need more than a billion to get this thing off the ground?
RS: Yeah man. I think you’re gonna need more than a billion dollars. Instead of buying a membership to the AAdvantage Lounge this year you can start saving for your first 747.
Alright. Last question. Give me your Top 5 Airport Essentials For A Smooth Traveling Experience.
SK: We said no lists! But here we go again breaking our own rules.
Airpods. Turn on the noise cancelling, your favorite ambient tracks, and step into a blissful state of ignorance.
GoMarcro bar(s). Depending on the length of the trip you may need a few. These pack a punch and are delicious. Science says you can survive days on just these little bars.
TSA Pre Check. Join your local TSA Pre Check.
RS: Hey Steve, jumping in here to say you can stop at 3 if you want.
SK: Can you finish the list, man?
RS: Gladly.
4. A cup of coffee. A nice little hack I’ve been doing recently is ordering Starbucks from my phone and avoiding that heinous line at the airport Starbucks. I walk right up and grab it off the table when my phone tells me it’s ready. I chug that as fast as I can and then once I am on the airplane, I get another cup of coffee during beverage service. I’ve been told you shouldn’t drink the airplane coffee but here is the thing: I do not care.
5…..
I actually don’t think there are 5 things that can help you make the airport a better place. The conclusion I think I’ve drawn from this much too long newsletter is that the airport sucks. Merry Christmas. I don’t think we answered the prompt.
SK:
A friend to get you in the lounge.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from your friends at Rabbitwolf Creative. We will try to do better next year.
This is so important
Happy holidays!