Learning To Ride A Bike
You thought you could get rid of us
This is our first newsletter in almost two months. Did you miss us? Go ahead and vote in the poll:
Lastly, as a quick reminder this is what we look like:
We make video and photo content. Our names are Ryan and Stephen and if you are a brand, an athlete, or a child about to have a Bar Mitzvah, we will make videos for you. Call us.
Stephen: Ryan, hello. Are we back? Did we ever leave? What’s going on?
Ryan: Steve. Hello. It’s been a very long time. I would say we were threatening to leave. What do you think? Did it feel like a threat?
SK: It was a silent threat. No one felt threatened because I’m not sure anyone even realized it had been a few months without an episode of our little newsletter. But we knew and sometimes that’s what matters.
RS: To know is enough. One more newsletter question before we get into today’s topic: do you think the people will be happy to receive this spam email again?
SK: I was watching Seinfeld with my wife the other night and there’s an episode where George is explaining his power with women comes from their annoyance at his presence morphing, through his persistence, into some sort of attraction. “Co-stan-za” as a sort of melody crashing around their brain. And I think that’s what we are: a mild annoyance that has the power to be loveable.
RS: People muttering “Ra-bit-wolf” under their breaths.
SK: I can hear it now. It’s beautiful. Ok, now tell our friends and family what you’re doing this week.
RS: On Friday afternoon I will board an Amtrak train that will slowly roll up to Burlington, Vermont. There, friend of RWC, Dakota Jones, will pick me up and let me sleep in his house in Craftsbury. The following day we will depart, BY BICYCLE, to Quebec City, Quebec. That’s in Canada. It’s something like 200 miles. Give or take. That’s the long answer.
In short: this week I will ride a bike with a friend into Canada.
SK: And let’s talk a bit about your cycling experience. First, do you have any?
RS: No.
SK: Perfect. And how does that make you feel about all this?
RS: Naively, I don’t think it’s going to be that hard. We will pedal our little bikes for, I dunno, 6 hours a day? For three days? And that’ll be that. The cool thing about a bike is that sometimes you don’t even need to pedal. You can just kind of coast.
SK: You plan to use the laws of physics to hack this trip. That’s fantastic. But you will also be trying to create a little movie, no? Does that add any sort of wrinkle to your plan?
RS: If I were trying to make a movie using a big friggin’ camera rig and a nice microphone, and worry about if it was going to look any good, then yes I would be worried. But so far in my camera bag, I have two handicams and a GoPro. I rented two funny little mounts that I hope to clip to the front of my helmet or my mouth and really just not worry about image quality. It could all be bad, but I think that’s kind of the point.
It’s taken a few years, but I will finally be achieving a careers-long dream of making a film entirely on a camera that your dad would use to film your middle school wrestling match. The You in this sentence representing all of us and the dad representing all of our dads.
SK: You really have thought of everything. I’ve been worried sick about you because I tend to fill the role of caretaker when it comes to sherpaing you on these sort of adventures and I won’t be able to do that this go around. But you might actually be in better hands without me. Maybe I actually get you closer to harm than further from it.
RS: I guess I have been worried about handing over my wellbeing to someone that isn’t you. Anytime we have to go into the mountains or into some godforsaken ditch, I know that a packing list will be provided and anything that I do not own (which truly is very little) will be provided by Steve. Dakota, if you’re reading: I’m sure you’re going to do great, but Steve has been taking care of me for much longer. Don’t let me forget my bike somewhere important.
I have a question, dipshit.
SK: Make sure he eats food and drinks water, DJ.
Ok, what is it?
RS: I guess you kind of just answered it. But if you were speaking directly to Dakota, what advice would you give him for embarking on a 3 day adventure with me, your dear friend and business partner?
SK: First off, we have to keep you hydrated and fed. You’re a big, broad figure and you sometimes don’t realize how cranky you get when you’re underfueled. You need two to three GoMacro bars on your person at all times. Other than that, it’s all about keeping you focused, eagle-eyed on the task at hand. I don’t think this will be a problem because the task at hand is crystal clear and it’s just about staying alive.
I think you guys are going to have a great time. I’m not worried about any of this.
RS: Staying alive, for the most part, is easy. Your dad seems to think I’m built for crap like this. Do you agree with him?
SK: For context, in passing years ago my Dad told Ryan he should take up cycling after seeing him in a pair of shorts. Ryan is blessed with tremendous leg and glute muscles, plus he has a snatched little waist. He would do numbers in velodrome.
Perhaps this could be your coming out party. How exciting to find a new talent at 36 years old.
RS: The dream of every man my age is to have some sort of latent talent for sport. I can’t imagine that will be the case here but it’s nice to dream.
Anyway. Tune in next week when you find out whether or not I made it to Canada in one piece.
Also, and I’m sorry to bury this, but huge shoutout to our friends at Salsa Bicycles. They offered to give me a loaner bike and it turns out it’s extremely nice. I was telling Steve today that I’m afraid I will lose it. Before I moved to New York last year, I sold my 2011 Toyota Corolla that had 162,000 miles on it. This bike is worth three 2011 Toyota Corollas with 162,000 miles on it and though I haven’t signed any paperwork, it is the most expensive thing in my possession.
Alright. Good luck out there. Thanks.
Missed you guys! Nice bike, Ryan. Cool adventure. Don't let them forget the bar tape.